Random

Enjoying Life Now

2011-04-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've decided that enjoying life is about taking things one day at a time.

It's easy to say, but hard to do. Especially for me.

I recently took a personality test called Strengths Finder 2.0. It revealed some interesting things that I should have already known about myself.
My strengths were identified as: Futuristic, Communication, Includer, Adaptable, Empathic.

Some of these came as no big surprise, like empathic. I have always felt like I could read others feelings. Creepy as that is.
Communication is where I talk constantly. When I'm doing training with new hires I give them every bit of information they might possibly need. Why not? I wish someone had told me all that when I started.
Includer to me is a given in life. I don't like to judge people. Everyone is there own person, its not my right to exclude someone for who they are.
Adaptable was a hard one to grasp at first. I hate change its annoying and stressful. Then as I read the description I realized, its not how you feel about the change its how you react. I try to keep a cool head, especially at work. Someone needs to stay calm and think of a solution. There are plenty of times I wig out about stuff, but I can usually regain control of myself and come up with a solution.
Futuristic trait shows me gazing hopefully into the future constantly. Usually for no good reason and without any logic to it. I'm just always waiting for that next big thing. Graduation, College, Finding a major, College graduation, Getting a job, Marriage, Moving.

And now what? A baby? A house? A cool vacation? What do I have to look forward to? To think about? To dream about? Now that I have no specific goal, my mind wanders aimlessly wanting to grab onto something tangent.
It all makes my head spin and makes me feel uncomfortable. Its almost as if there are too many possibilities and I can't think of them all. I can't get too excited for something that isn't going to happen. How am I suppose to know when or if something will occur?

AHHHH! My brain explodes daily thinking about our future.

Its disappointing to me that sometimes I am so concerned about the future I miss out on the awesome life that I have now.

This is why I am trying to live day by day. Looking forward to smaller things. Like seeing a friend or cooking a fun meal or going to church. This helps tame the crazy thoughts that scream through my head.

Locavore

2009-05-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

I just got done reading the book "Animal Vegetable Miracle" by Barbara Kingslover.
The book is a memoir of an entire year of her family eating locally. I won't go into too much detail. I would just say if you are interested then I would highly recommend reading the book.
When I started reading this book back in February I wasn't sure where I would be living now. At some point I realized that they were living right down the road from me. I was pretty jazzed at the thought that I would be living in an area that was full of fresh, organic, local food. I continued to read the books in hopes that I would get inspired and obtain ideas of how it was possible to eat locally all year.
She grew a lot of her own fruits and vegetables. She also had laying hens, chickens, and turkeys. They were able to find cattle ranchers to get grass fed beef. Non-CAFO beef... don't get me started on that. She canned all through the growing season and bought tubers in bulk. They frequented the local farmers. She also learned how to make her own cheese. Yum.
So I had to sit and ponder what could I do to make my diet more local.
First off I decided to grow some veggies and herbs in a container garden.
I am watching all the produce I buy at the grocery to find a vendor called "Appalachian Harvest" (a local distributor of organic produce). I found the local farmer's market, which we already visited once. Stocking up on farm fresh eggs, peanut butter, local wine, pickled dill beans, and homemade English muffins. Further into the summer we will be able to get vegetables too.
Meal planning will reduce my wasteful eating. The more you plan the better you eat. That is a fact that has to be proven by some study somewhere. If I know what I'm eating every night and have all the ingredients then I am less likely to pick up a box of mac and cheese.
I'm still looking for more ideas of ways to eat local and improve my nutrition.

Why is eating local so important?

Well there are many reasons but here are a few I can think of off the top of my head.

Number one think of yourself. Eating local is healthier. You are more likely to know where the food comes from. Trust factor. Quality control is better if the farmer is your neighbor. May be more likely to be organic, especially in my area. The fresher the fruits or vegetables the more nutrients exist in them. Same reason that its better to let the foods ripen in the sun.

Next is better for the environment. Yeah I'm not trying to be some Al Gore person or anything. But anytime you can help reduce the amount of fuel used to transport your foods the better it is for mother Earth. I used to think it was cool to get ramen noodles straight from Japan. Now the thoughts of how ridiculously long those salty noodles had to travel makes me gag.

Also it's better for the economy. Especially the local economy. Buying local supports the farmers directly. I'm all for helping the people actually producing the food that I'm eating.

I suppose I am done with my rant/lecture for now. Enjoy the night all.

Dressing the best

2009-01-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

So I am happy to announce that I found my wedding dress.

And bought it.

Well half down anyway.

I am so excited!

The story is a bit strange...
My sister, that lives in California, was home for Christmas so my mom was determined that she was going to see this wedding dress that I had tried on the last time that we went shopping. She called the bridal shop at the beginning of New Year's week. They were going to be closed on Wednesday and Thursday for the holidays. Unfortunately I had to work Monday and Tuesday, and I was leaving to go to Cary to visit Paul and his parents. So it was looking as if the modeling wasn't going to happen.

I could tell she was pretty bummed out about it. I decided to make a detour on my way to Cary and stop in Concord to try it on for her. (It was more for my mom then Lindsay, who probably didn't care either way.)

We met up at the bridal shop as soon as it opened on Friday. We all got piled in the little house and I explained to the ladies I wanted to try on this dress again for my sister. They had the style number on file from my last visit. We began to look through the dresses in the little bridal room. The attendant looked a little flustered as she couldn't find the dress anywhere. I shrugged not expecting anything strange. I work in retail and I know nothing is ever where its suppose to be. She came back in dragging the long dress behind her. I jumped into it in the dressing room (literally I have to jump into it). She disappeared as soon as she got me zipped up.

My mom and sister where admiring the dress when she slinked back in the doorway. I was standing on a little platform and she looked up at me and said, "We need to talk about this dress." My heart shank. What does that mean, I thought silently. "Uh huh" I replied. She proceeded to explained to me that the designer has decided as of the end of the year to discontinue making this style. I'm sure all the blood disappeared from my face.

She quickly began to explain my 'options' for getting this dress if I was serious that this was "the dress". I nodded and looked back my mom, who agreed. Well I could pay the designer a $50 fee to cut the dress for a limited time. Or I could buy the sample model I currently had on my body. The woman explained that I could get a 20% discount on the sample model. I stared at the dress, looking back and forth at it and the mirrors. Then I furrowed my brow and looked back at my mom and cocked my head at her. "Am I missing the reason why I shouldn't buy the sample model?" She shrugged, she thought it was fine if I was ok with it. So I looked at the sales person and replied, "I want it then!" I put half the amount down. They needed to keep it for a bit to take out the zipper panel in the back and check and make sure there were no defects and all the beading was fine.

I finally stepped off the platform and exclaimed I had to get out of this thing that I was sweating now! Ha!

On the way out my sister ran into one of her high school friends who happened to be wedding dress shopping with her sister as well.

Random...

I now know this the right dress. I am doing the right thing. I am so ready.

Baby Fever?!

2009-01-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

So my other baby having friend just had her second little boy. Colton 6 lbs. 6 oz. and 20 inches.

Plus I spent the better part of the past two days with Jessica and little Logan.

I can officially say that I do NOT have baby fever.

Not that Logan isn't too adorable. It just occurred to me yesterday, while watching him eat, sleep, poop, that I'm certainly not ready for all that. He is a super sweet baby. He is pretty content most of the time. But he wants to do it when he wants to do it and there is nothing you can do to deviate from that schedule. Well you can but its not pretty. I spent part of the day accompanying him and her to the chiropractor and the grocery plus stopping for lunch. He was so irritated by having his scheduled thrown. She couldn't feed him at the moment he was hungry and there wasn't a good place to change him at lunch. Then after eating all he wanted to do at the grocery was to be carried around by mommy.

Its just amazing the amount of care and consideration for that being of life. Every moment you have to think of him. Consider his needs even above your own. Well not me but the mommy.
Its hard for her to focus on herself. Even as basic as bathing, eating, hydrating herself is pushed aside. Its nuts to think that's how it is. But somehow I get it.

I'm glad that I can be there and help, but also I get to see it all first hand. I feel like a lot of the time I'm just sitting back and absorbing and learning. Its for my own personal knowledge base but also I want to be ready when I get to babysit him.

Its amazing to watch Jessica interact with him. She's cuddly, sweet, and caring. I'm not surprised that she is. It's amazing to see her know how to react to every burp, squeak, moan, whine, and cry.

I love that baby. He is precious.

But I see her exhaustion. The brink of insanity that she teeters on daily.
I know its just the first few months. So does she. And the routine has been getting better.

Again I do NOT have baby fever. I am perfectly content going and seeing them a few times a week. But no thank you on having my own right now.

Although I do have marriage fever. NOT wedding fever. Get it straight people.

The thoughts of planning and having the wedding is totally stressful. But the thoughts of being married to Paul... makes me ridiculously elated.

I can't wait till his last semester is over and he can move down here. It's strange to think that when I moved away from him we were facing two long years away from each other. Now its just 5 months. Less than half a year. I can hardly believe it. It is going to be here before we know it. I'm so excited.

Now I'm just getting gooey.

To sum it up: One more time I do NOT have baby fever or wedding fever. Just marriage fever. Mostly just in love with Paul. I love little Logan. Jessica and Brian are awesome friends, parents and people. I'm excited my dad got and enjoys his new C-pap machine. I'm glad Paul is having a blast in Vegas. My mom continues to be irritated with me about spending so much time at the MacIntoshs'.

That's about it for an update. Have a great weekend all.

Baby!

2008-12-07T20:03:00.001-08:00

Oh my goodness!

Baby Logan is here!

I can't wait to see him. And Jessica and Brian. He is gonna be so stinking cute. I know it. He is 7 lbs. 14 oz. My mom said that's about my birth weight.

It was a hard birth. I know Jessica and her whole family is exhausted.

I hope I can go see them tomorrow. I actually have the day off. I took off so I could take my dad to get a root canal. Now I also have to pick my mom up from the airport. But I won't have to do all that till early afternoon. So I have all morning to see them. I hope it works out.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm so excited! I hope I can sleep tonight!

5

2008-12-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

I didn't even know there was such a thing as quintuple bypass surgery.

My uncle started to have chest pains when he bent over last Wednesday. He acknowledged it but pushed it aside having to prepare to go to his new girlfriend's parent's house for Thanksgiving. He pushed through the weekend. Having numbness and tingling in his limbs. Monday he finally decided that it was time to make a visit to the doctor. Although by the time he was ready to go his business partner/ex-girlfriend tried to get in the car to go, he had full numbness in all his extremities. He could not get in the car himself. They called 911 and the ambulance took him the ER. The doctors told him that he was too critical for their hospital and he was transferred to a hospital in Gulfport, Mississippi. The tried all night to stabilize him. They put stints in his arteries. But his body rejected them. They elected to do bypass surgery. One of his main arteries was 100% blocked, another was 95% blocked. They were unable to properly stabilize him before surgery. They told my grandparents that he had a 50/50 chance of surviving the surgery. The surgery was scheduled to be 8 hours. After only about 4 hours they emerged proclaiming the surgery a success. He had a quintuple bypass.

5 arteries were replaced. 5? I have never heard of a quintuple bypass. Triple yeah. Even quadruple. But never a quintuple. Ridiculous.

He is off the heart bypass. His heart is only functioning at 35%. He is still on a ventilator. He has to wake up before he can be taken off the ventilator. It is a very critical time. If he doesn't react favorably, he could have a stroke and die, he could have a heart attack and die, or just die. As my dad put it he could wake up, know he survived the surgery, have the tube removed, and stroke out and die. If he does survive all of this, his recovery will be long and painful.

I'm not particularly close to my uncle. He is my mom's half brother. He is kind of the miscreant of the family. He is always getting in to trouble. Dating, marrying, having kids, and then moving on. Starting businesses, losing money and moving on. He is a unique character.

At Thanksgiving my mom's other half brother came to eat with us and we were telling jokes and stories about Uncle Rusty.

I don't know what I am going to feel if he does pass. I don't know how to deal with the loss of family. The adult way. I was only a teen when my grandmother died. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to say to my mom. She is very upset. She is alone in her little apartment. My dad is stressing out about paying to fly her down to Gulfport. I guess I am sad, scared, nervous, anxious. That doesn't really narrow down how I feel.

I'll update again when I know more for whomever is interested.

Picture #4

2008-11-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

Okay I was encouraged to post the fourth picture in my fourth picture file on my computer. I also have to list four things about this photo.

1. This picture was taken out of our hotel room at Myrtle Beach, SC.
2. Paul and I celebrated our 3 anniversary of dating that weekend.
3. That brown thing at the bottom of the picture is a huge steel pipe that is pumping sand onto the beach. It kept us off the beach basically the whole time we were there.
4. This was the most beautiful the weather there was all weekend. This was taken Sunday morning as I was packing our bags to leave.

Free birth at what cost?

2008-11-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

Dismayed. Disheartened. Disgusted.

I think of myself as a pretty liberal person. I have a pretty much do you own thing kind of attitude about most high debate issues. Although I was watching the Discovery Health channel tonight and was thrown for a loop.
There was a program called Freebirthing.
For those of you that have never heard of such a thing freebirthing is giving birth at home without any professional medical assistance including a midwife. It goes on to include that many of these women have received no prenatal care.

Sure you might think. What do you care? It's their problem. It's her decision on what she wants to do with the birth of her child.

Well no. I can't think that way. Not about this.

To understand my feelings about this I suppose I have to go into a little personal history.
I was born with a birth defect called an omphalocele. An omphalocele is a type of abdominal wall defect in which the intestines, liver, and occasionally other organs remain outside of the abdomen in a sac because of a defect in the development of the muscles of the abdominal wall.
Sounds pretty crazy right?
The labor was short and my mom was rushed from labor to delivery. Being ordered not to push in transit. They had no prior knowledge of the defect before I was born. My mom's last ultrasound had been canceled which would have revealed the defect.
My mom described a panicked, frightened, and awestruck look of the OB's face when I came out.
I was rushed into surgery to repair the defect. The sac was delicately holding part of my liver and intestines. The umbilical cord was attached to the sac since I had no abdominal wall to adhere to. They repaired the defect to the best of their abilities.
I still have a scar running from my mid-breast bone to my pantyline. I have no real bellybutton. Just a scar where they tried to construct one when I was 5 years old.
I suffer from digestive issues that I will live with all my life. I also have a permenant teflon pad in my abdomin which was an early attempt at an abdominal wall. I have to be careful of my core muscles for I am more prone to a hernia. I have back pain because of my weak core muscles.

Though I do have lasting effects of this birth defect, I can't help but think about what would have happened if I had been born at home with no medical assistance present?

It seems pretty certain to me that I would not have survived. Or there would have been more serious complications and infections.

I am hurt that these women think so much about what they want. Or how they want the birth to go. You can't forget that its not only the birth of your child, but its the your child's birth. Its about the baby. Keeping the baby safe and free from harm.

Hosiptals can be scary and doctors don't always do the right thing.

But all I know is I own my life to the doctors, nurses and surgeons that were with me at my birth.

Who will your baby be thanking?